Why Kung Fu movies are bad for the environment

Here’s an important public service announcement for any of you who may have “accidentally” watched an action movie that involved any Kung Fu scenes. These scenes are performed by actors and are extremely unrealistic. I watched a Bollywood movie the other day where a guy got punched through a brick wall and still continued to fight. Either he was actually in a coma and was just dreaming that he continued fighting, or this guy just eats way too much iron in his food. 

The reason I decided to spill the beans on this topic is because today my son and daughter thought that they would demonstrate their “Kung Fu” skills for me, and just ended up punching a hole in the wall and smashing our kitchen faucet up. Luckily, I called up the most reliable of the Sparks plumbers that I know and they provided quality, affordable work. However, I had to listen to some peaceful 50’s music before I could even tolerate my kids any longer. The worst part is, they’re in their mid-20’s. Am I just a bad parent? Anyways, producing action movie DVDs also takes resources up from the environment so that’s bad too. Probably an army of angry hippies somewhere who will back me up.


After all, there is no way that anybody could ever dispute any of my evidence. Teaching kids to destroy plumbing is grotesque and horrifying, and honestly I’m disgusted. We’re just lucky that the plumbers did such a good job. It beats buying a new house in Sparks just because Kung Fu taught your kids to smash everything in sight for the sake of honor and respect or something.

I still love my kids though. They’re kind and gentle, and as long as I give them whatever they want then I’m on their good side. The world out there is too evil for them, so it’s better if they just stay safe inside my house where no bad influences will reach them. In order to purge this insane Kung Fu violence from their minds, I have decided to purchase every season of Sesame Street and we will watch it from start to finish so my children can learn peace and tranquility.